We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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