We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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