Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
This gyro tastes like lonliness
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
