i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
