The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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