420 ftw
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
