just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize