I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I party with great urgency now.
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