Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
