I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
organizing the empties. That sober.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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