it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
