I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
