I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize