It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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