apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
