her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
