I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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