Little spoons don't ask big questions
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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