Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
