Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
