lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
