Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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