she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
