He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
