I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
