it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize