You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
