You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
