doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
