so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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