Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
