operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
We were destined to go to rehab together
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
