escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
