those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
