Slut skills are useful in every country.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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