I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
