Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
