My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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