you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize