The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
