I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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