i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
