i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
