her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
