He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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