so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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