I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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