Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
