hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
