I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
