i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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