4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
