..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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