I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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