It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
we're making bets on your personal life
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize