he thought i was a dude.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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