So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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