cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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