I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
