Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
