If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
