My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
