Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
