Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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