im six kinds of drunk right now
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
