id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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