I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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