And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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